those that we miss

I love this final photo of my Grandma taken in August of 2010.  She celebrated her 96 birthday. We actually put 96 candles on the cake and lit them all.  The nursing home looked the other way.  Look at those flames!  My sister-in-law and I are so lucky we didn't set off the sprinklers.  Grandma loved it.

My mind boggles at living to be that old.  What a gift yet how painful it appeared to be.  She was incredibly strong in all she faced.  I am grateful I knew her and was blessed with her love.

Christmas time can be hard for those of us who have lost people we would have rather kept forever.  I long for a world in which there are no more tears and no more loss.  Until then, this poem in for my Grandmother.

My Grandma

Many tears I have for you shed
I miss your laughter and voice cranky
playing cards or discussing books you'd read
but mostly I miss you smiling at me
through your cooking much love was sent
quick in wit, faster yet in bridge game
one who said loudly what she meant
personality lively, spirit not tame
at your heart a lady true
yes, missed but with Jesus now at your best
I'm beyond thankful Him you knew
by you my life was indeed blessed.


{hugs}
Shea

For you, Connecticut

This is written for the horror that has unfolded for the men and women in the shootings in Connecticut.  I am so very sorry for what these people are suffering through.

Evil Unspeakable

Evil Unspeakable was unleashed yesterday
as a gunman entered a grade school
no explanation or word did he say
as he began to usher in death, a gun his tool

the teachers so brave thought on feet fast
urging children into closets and corners to hide
praying somehow the nightmare wouldn't last
listening to shots ring out as innocence died
teacher young yet oh-so brave
the gunman enter her room from the hall
she answered his question hoping children to save
he took her life yet she saved the kids one and all
families streaming to school all fingers crossed
not knowing who will be thrown to grief's deep end
some finding their young children forever lost
others finding life, a miracle He did send
twenty six have had to face a parent's worst fear
as the terrible tale they did learn
pain before unknown into their hearts did sear
for their lost they forever yearn
Connecticut, alone in your loss you are not
we in America want you to hear us say
safety and healing for you will be sought
we are sending up prayer for you night and day.

with tears,
Shea

finding my inspiration

Exercise.  It really isn't my favorite thing.  In fact, even though I feel great after the fact, I still tend to want to avoid it.  I know it will help me, I know I need it yet I don't want to do it.  (sigh) I am oh-so very human.

This is where skiing enters.  It saved me last winter and it is the same this year.  Stress hits us all, yes?  When  out on the hill, full attention has to be on getting down the hill so there is simply no time to be stressed about anything else.  It feels incredible to come down from the mountain and look up and say to myself, "Can!"  I love the sense of accomplishment not to mention that sleep comes more fully because I can hardly move.  Lastly, it feels good to be tired physically rather then emotionally or spiritually or any other way possible.  It is interesting to me that by honoring the body's physical needs it allows us to cope more fully with all the rest.

So you may not like skiing, this is more then OK.  You should like what you do not what I do.  Find a movement you enjoy and do it.  See if you don't also reap the many benefits.

Heading to Inspiration.

Finding Inspiration

To the mountain I go like true north on a compass

some ski for fun or work or vertical feet to amass

no matter the reason for each

there is always something the mountain can teach

so to the slopes in droves we flock

pulling on helmets, pants and warm ski sock

for me this ski experience is holy

as I learn to fly in life fully

with each turn I take, my soul comes unbound

as I seek fresh powder my truest self found

this is escapism at its wholesome best

a part of me lost becomes freshly whole

as release is found on the slopes for my soul

liberty has come, setting my heart free

by choosing to learn the art of the ski.

snow {hugs},

Shea

Snow has come to life.

The week it finally snowed on us.  This is late for us.  It has made everything so beautiful and white and clean looking.

Snow

For snow let's do a happy dance
now for winter's fun there's a chance
silvery white snow so pure
winter to enjoy not just endure
some with snow do ski
flying down hills, souls free
others snowmen they make
or snowballs just for fun's sake
it is a glorious gift, from His hand sent
moisture for land it is also meant
it does bring ice and shoveling and such
yet I'm going to ski, enjoy it so much
it is healthier in life for the silver lining to look
then to believe I've been forsook
so the snow will come in life and on ground
but here's the secret I've found
Jesus all weather to Earth does send
in life I need to His will bend
learn the lesson: in all trust Him and smile
because Jesus with me will walk winter's mile
not all summer, some rain and snow yes
but through all He does completely bless.

warmly with a {hug},
Shea

When you stop dreaming

When you stop dreaming

A friend and I were just chatting today about having courage to step out to do something scary to us.  Then this came into my inbox.  I need to keep dreaming.  At all costs, do NOT give up.  I am so thankful for the reminder from Seth Barns.

{hugs},
Shea

Life's Scars

I received the most interesting call the other day from a friend who I don't get to talk to often enough.  It was wonderful.  She shared hope with me in that call.  She encouraged me to keep going because the relief I seek may be around the corner or through the darkest tunnel but it is indeed there.

She also told me about scars. Scars are not my favorite because they mean a wound has occurred and who in their right mind would ask for that to happen?  Not me.  I dwelled on her wisdom and this poem was what came.  It is for my Friend, with a capital F.

Scars

My soul has many a hideous deep scar
permanently its beauty they mar
some come quickly from a near relationship
other gashes come from random words that rip
it all wounds the heart the same
torn and hurting with gross maim
then Jesus comes near, bends down on knee
hears heart's struggle with desperate help plea
He says gently, Lay still. Remain in Me calm
I can stitch, heal and spread Holy Spirit balm
these wounds need time, will heal slow
as I help heart's scar tissue to grow
healing will come, fully complete
He begins His work, making His stitches neat
all finished He strokes my face says, Lay still
as through the healing process you learn My will.
much time slips through life's hour glass
I no longer hurt, healing has come to pass
the scar tissue remains always in me
but now I can with joy look at it to see
that the tissue there is incredibly strong
a badge of honor saying: to Him I belong
much wounding I did survive
have healed, am now free to thrive
knowing by scar's reminder deep
no matter what comes my heart in His I'll keep.

humble {hugs},
Shea

Do you look up?

Isn't she adorable?  This is how I think that Jesus wants us to feel about His love for us. Little faces looking up into His as we absorb the awesome fact He loves us.  Yet so often the world's voice is the one that wins out for our attention.  I know that is how it was for me, especially in high school.  While I wasn't bullied, I lived in fear that I would do something that would make me the next target.  There are others who suffered far worse than this.  While thinking about bullying this poem came for my heart and all of those who lived or are enduring the nightmare.

Look Up

the path I quickly walk
brings me with teens face to face
some group up or happily talk
others wish to occupy no space
the ones who break a heart
children who up don't glance
long ago learning the hiding art
not giving teasing a chance
on looks the world passes judgment
selling its wounding soul lies
seeking destruction of heart's content
look down the world cries
Jesus gently to your soul does tell:
you are simply His
He made you incredibly well
not to believe peers in this
different you indeed may be
plain or pretty, short or tall, thin or round
possible to have skin pimply
your worth based on these unsound
for earning peer approval brings naught
keep going, says Whisper, find His face
letting go what society has you taught
all hope, trust in Him should heart place
you're fearfully made in an exact way
nothing by accident created
you are wonderful, hear Me say
My truth can not be debated
Let Me heal hurt soul
know this: I died just for you
wanting you, through My love, made whole
to accept Me, all sins forgiven true
loved one, sing just your life song
no more in bullies lay belief
for to Me you will always belong
let Me hold all your grief
know your preciousness not lost
give to Me the hurt, many a ton
your soul need not bear this cost
now is healing time, for I have won
I hold safely your life story
your identity in Me stable
your life shines with My glory
heal in Me, I'm more then able
now loved one, you can have life free
from bullies now safe, you ask?
yes, but only if you look up to Me
your heart in only My approval can bask.

{hugs}
Shea

Regret

This was prompted by a very good friend of mine.  I have regrets, big hairy ones, that lurk in the past waiting to pounce too, then these words came....

Regret

Do you know regret?
she is quiet during hours of day
when responsibilities must be met
they help to keep her voice at bay
but the night! oh! the night!
when silence does quietly fall
she begins to wield her weapon with might
reminding tired soul of choices all
that have been made so wrong
decisions that turned life sour
in regret a soul to find no rest for long
as chased hour upon hour
seeking a place rare
where regret cannot follow
run into My strong fortress, comes in on air
soul obeys, meets a gentle: hello
I'm glad in Me you chose to hide
I've longed to say your regret I'll take
if you remain by My side
I spin beauty with regret for My glory's sake
yes, decisions were made, some bad
but you asked and I forgave
let truth come heal soul so sad
your life I've redeemed, did save
now watch what I can do with regret!
a snip here, a tuck there
and wisdom now you get
let your mind find rest in My care
knowing with regret you need not live
accept my love, healing with gentleness
beauty for ashes I truly give
as through regret I can bless.

{hugs}
Shea

Heaven

I wish we could see into Heaven.  Don't you?


Heaven

I can see a Place
where all can sing
as we worship King
any language
color, short, tall
absolutely no baggage
loved one and all.

{hugs},
Shea

Sugar and Sweet Forgiveness

Tonight was not good.  I knew I shouldn't eat the doughnuts.  I knew it! I can tell you all the evil sugar does to my body and yet when the urge to binge hits, my eyes roll back into my head and I dive head first into the sugar bowl.

When I come to, I find myself in a self-induced sugar high.  It is a gross, thick feeling in my head and body.  This is not exactly becoming behavior for a holistic health coach.  I know lots of the facts about how bad sugar is for me and yet....there are times when I choose poorly.

So there you have my true confession:  I eat sugar.  I wish I could be stronger.  I do really good most of the time and I slipped tonight.  My consequences will be the crash that is coming soon and the intense sugar cravings I'll have to battle tomorrow. Yuck.

It is going to be OK though because  I get a brand new slate tomorrow just like you do!  What good news.  I don't need to beat myself up. There are lessons to be learned tonight.  I can remember how awful I felt tonight and how good I feel without sugar in my body and most importantly I can forgive myself and move on.

{hugs} for me and you,
Shea

Light for the Path

It has been the month of eating chocolate bars in an effort to feel better about my life. (I do actually eat other food, so don't worry that I am not well somehow :)  I find myself lost at  times.  And then out of the blue, I see some light.  It came in the form of a hike.

Husband offered to take the six of us out to Columbia Trail.  It was an invitation to whomever might want to come, no demands were made.  It was freeing.  Everyone chose to go and because the choice was theirs it was a hike with great attitudes.

On the way down the trail the sun had set and this was the very last bit of light available before absolute darkness fell on us.  But we had enough light to get to the van.  Just enough.  Not a drop extra.

It seems like that in my world too at the moment.  Psalms 119:105 says it like this: Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.  I have enough light for my feet.  I can't see what is coming so I must keep my eyes trained on the path that I can see.  It is tough.  I believe it will be worth it.  I pray that this time of my life will be used somehow someway for other women who hurt.  You aren't alone.  I'm not either.  I have just enough light to find the chocolate bar  path.

{hugs},
Shea

Soul Food

This is warm chocolate to my soul, this is a new pair of shoes that fit perfectly, this is gorgeous, this is where I live.

I get Wednesdays to myself. This Wednesday I decided to hike around on Big Mountain.   I took the main hiking trail up and along the way found a little seat with this view.  I had found what I was looking for and I sat and enjoyed and breathed.

Warm chocolate to my heart.

Unlikely Spots

I found this heart in the most unlikely spot. It was laying in the parking lot of Target while my girls and I were shopping for Homecoming clothing.   It reminded me that love comes in unlikely ways.  That doesn't make it less meaningful just more of a surprise.

Then I did my civic duty and picked the trash up to throw away and that ended the Hallmark moment right there.  Oh well.

Today's Chocolate made me...

...more grateful or should it be great-full?  I am grateful for my life and I am full of great.  I think both could be true of all of us on any given day.  We are an amazing bunch.

I love you so much, Mom.

Her newest little thing to say to her Dad and I is, "I love you so much, Mom".  It is precious and it is a reminder that I do have a chocolate covered life with her in it.  She is most certainly a lot of work at three but when she says things like that, how can I not melt?  It makes it all worth it.  It is a chocolate moment to remember that is as smooth and sweet in my memory as the best chocolate I eat.  Better, I suppose, because it is calorie free.